My life is a disaster and my head is full of rhetoric.

I feel like nothing has changed.

*Sigh*

I guess the worst part about wanting to be a Jesus-follower is that you stay human.

Thirteen days before I'm on a greyhound back to California.
Oh, joy.

Also, snakes shed their skin a layer at a time.

I'm not sure what exactly the significance of that is, but I feel like there's something there.

***

I was talking with my friend Chris today, and Christianity came about in our conversation. He was noting that Christians are ignorant. And I had to agree with him. We use church as our medium for hearing from God, expecting the pastor to spoon feed us on Sundays, getting frustrated with the church when our spiritual lives are taking a turn for the worst. Well. That's not what church was made for. We're meant to feed ourselves. Church is meant to be a place of fellowship, of communing with others who share our beliefs. Chris is my age, and we were having this conversation. This generation can see through the Christian religion we've invented in this country. We can see that there's more to it than most so-called Christians are living out. He noticed, too, that some Christians use God as a scape-goat for not dealing with our problems, claiming that we "give them to God" and then walk away from them. Well.. yes, we lay our burdens and our struggles down before the Lord, but that doesn't mean that they're disappeared and we can go on living like they no longer exist. That is simply not the case. Giving them to God means seeking Him for instruction as to how to deal with those things.
It was a really interesting chat.

Chris is on a journey of "spiritual exploration"... Basically, he's searching for truth. He doesn't see it in the Christians he sees around Him. If we're not living our lives according to how the Bible has called us to do so, we're living a lie, and we're labeling ourselves as ambassadors for Christ, misrepresenting Him all the way. This is a problem. We ourselves turn people away from the only true God through our lack of understanding about who we are as children of the King.

I am determined to never be one of those Christians.

I am determined to be the real deal.

I will not be a follower of the American Jesus.

I will be a follower of Jesus Christ, Lord and Savior of all, who calls us to pick up our crosses and follow Him.

I will not misrepresent.

Chew on that.

You may have noticed I've done some revamping to my blog.

I'm not having a super great day today, so I got myself all extra cute this morning, and I figured that my blog could use a make-over as well.

So here it is!

I hope you like it. If you have any complaints, please let me know. This is for you guys, after all. (Oh hey, I may not have said this lately, but anybody can make comments on here- you don't have to have a Google account or anything. You don't even have to leave your name!)

Right on. So. Why am I not having a super great day? Good question. I don't really know, exactly. It's just been one of those days. You know what I'm saying. One of the ones where you open your eyes, stare up at your ceiling, and wonder just what the point of getting out of bed would be, exactly. Yeah. Not so great.

Also, there are a lot of things going on in my life right now that are GIANT things. And I'm having a really hard time focusing on my relationship with God. So... Big things in my life, big empty place where my Daddy's voice should be... No wonder my day hasn't been so hot!

Big things:

I've compared them to boats. It's sort of silly, but I like it. So, these things I'm deciding about- one being my decision to totally surrender my life to Jesus- are sort of like jumping on to a ship. As far as my choice to follow Jesus or not, it's like being on a boat which I am not the captain of. Jesus is. So right now... part of my deciding process (I know it seems like I've already gone through that, but that's not exactly the case..) includes figuring out whether or not I trust the captain. A captain who, I'm realizing, I don't really know as well as I thought. A captain I've heard about through many other people but haven't REALLY met for myself. (It's a pretty complete analogy, right?) In any case, that's sort of where I'm at as far as that's concerned. Other decisions I don't really want to talk about right now. That's the big one. Figuring out if I really trust Jesus to captain the ship that is my life. Because it's not that easy to switch boats once you're out at sea, you know?

I guess there was only one big thing there. There are more things going on, but I'm not really sure how to put them eloquently into readable format at this moment, so I'll tell you about them later.

Yep. There it is. Sorry this round of words wasn't anything too special. Just a reminder that I'm a human and I struggle with things. I know I come across as the perfect Christian sometimes..... Heh(; Jokes. But seriously, don't forget that I know that I don't have everything figured out. Actually, I have nothing figured out, and I'm continuously astounded at the notion of how little I actually know.

Have a really good night, you guys. If you'd be keeping me in your prayers, I would appreciate it. I'd like to be out of this cloud and back into the clarity of the Spirit.

Love,
Ash.

Why is it that when you're trying to live in the light, you miss the darkness so much more?

I don't really have anything profound and/or interesting to say today.

Just.

God is really good.

And I have been coming to the realization over and over that no matter how many times He PROVES to me that this is true, I still doubt it.

Somehow, though, He doesn't get mad at me because I keep having the same issue repeatedly.

No wonder we're sheep.

Also, it's my big sister Britt's birthday today(:
Praise the Lord she was born. My life would have been a lot different if she wasn't!

So I'm reading this SUPER great book called RADICAL. It's by this dude named David Platt. If you haven't read it, you should. ESPECIALLY if you're a Christian in America.
In a very small nutshell, it's about "taking your faith back from the American Dream". (That's what it says right on the cover of the book, and the insides agree)

I'm chewing it up a little at a time because it's full of SO MUCH GOOD STUFF. Today, I want to talk about this thing Platt brings up- the little voice inside of us that says, "Oh, that's not my calling" when we hear about missionaries, mission work, or even ministry work...

"...missions is a compartmentalized program of the church, and select folks are good at missions and passionate about missions... but in the end God has just not called most of us to do this missions thing. But where in the Bible is missions ever identified as an optional program in the church? ...Indeed, Jesus himself has not merely called us to go to all nations; he has created and commanded us to go to all nations. We have taken this command, though, and reduced it to a calling- something that only a few people receive."

WOAH. Right? It sounds a little drastic, maybe, and possibly, your initial reaction is to disagree with him here. After all, it simply isn't feasible for everyone to drop everything and move over seas to do "full-time missions work".

Well, how about this. Let's check out what being a missionary is all about. It's actually pretty basic: a missionary is someone who has been sent on a mission. See? Now being a missionary sounds a lot less glamorous and a lot less complicated. I think we tend to think of missionaries as people who go into third world or closed countries to risk their lives sharing the gospel with those who haven't heard it. Well.. yes and no. There are definitely people who do that. But there are people who live their lives according to the command Christ gave right before He went back to Heaven in their own towns, too. See, the mission isn't to make sure that every country in the world knows who Jesus is. Well, it sort of is, but... My point is this: I think that often times when we discuss the Great Commission, we forget that Jesus didn't just tell us to go to every nation. He also told us- and this is the key, really- to make disciples. The mission isn't just to go; it is also to make. If we choose to pass "being a missionary" off to others around us, we've missed one of the biggest parts of being a follower of Jesus. This, I believe, is really the concern that Platt is addressing with his words.

Let's do a quick review:
What is a missionary? Someone who has been sent on a mission.
Who has been sent on a mission? Everyone who claims to be a lover and follower of Christ. 
What is the mission? To make disciples everywhere we go. 

That's not really very complicated, now is it?

Alright, so we've covered these fundamentals. Are we all good here? Everyone agrees so far, yes? (Hopefully, because I'm going to go ahead and keep typing even if you think I'm a looney)

Next topic I feel we must address: What does it look like to make disciples?

Ah. What a great question. I'm so glad you asked! Let's explore a little.

First of all- this is VERY IMPORTANT: DISCIPLES ARE NOT MANUFACTURED OVER NIGHT.
I know, that seems like a really silly thing to bold and make huge and what not, but seriously. I know that seems like common sense, but think about how many times you've been trying to share Jesus with someone, or teach them about His words, or explain to them basics of the gospel, and you get frustrated because they're JUST. NOT. GETTING. IT. You know what I'm saying? Come on, I know you do. Let's take a look at Jesus' own disciples- He spent THREE YEARS with them. I could be wrong, but from what I know, it seems like they pretty much spent all their time together. Or at least a  good chunk. Think back to your college days when you and your cronies spent so much time together that you knew each other better than anyone. Well. That's what it looked like for the thirteen of them. Except, imagine that instead of just hanging out with the boys, every interaction you had with them was intentional and ultimately your goal was to teach them the ways of Christ. That's no walk in the park, you guys. I can't imagine doing it. Even after three years of constant discipleship, though- from Jesus Himself, nonetheless- Peter still denied Him three times, Thomas still doubted Him, and Judas still betrayed Him. THAT is what discipleship looks like. It's a long process. It's tedious. It's infuriating sometimes, too. But, do you know why Jesus left us this command without a detailed list of instructions? Because, my friends, discipleship is about relationships, and there can be no easy 1-2-3 repeat-after-me way to navigate through a relationship.

That might not have been incredibly helpful, because essentially what I just said was this: Making disciples isn't easy. It isn't quick. It isn't instantly gratifying. It isn't necessarily ever gratifying, actually. Relationships are messy, and there's no way around that. In other words... I have no idea what in the world I'm doing here, either. All I really know is that Jesus commands us to make disciples, and the gospels are written accounts of three years of Him being an example of what that looks like in real life.

Wow. That's a lot of words up there. Holy Spirit is the best(: (I can't take credit for all those words because I simply know I couldn't have come up with all that on my own)

I think that's all for right now. I hope you've gleaned something new today. God bless(:

Also, here are some scripture references for you:

Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority on heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:18-20

He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned. And these signs will accompany those who believe: In my name they will drive out demons; they will speak in new tongues; they will pick up snakes with their hands; and when they drink deadly poison, it will not hurt them at all; they will place their hands on sick people, an they will get well." Mark 16:15-18
Side note: Doesn't reading that make you wonder if you believe as much as you think you do? Definitely makes me wonder...

Hey, everyone!

I realize that I have been a really terrible author and left you all hanging in suspense...
There are questions left unanswered.
Stories left untold.

Many. Many. Many things need to be said. In reality, though, I probably won't have a chance to say all of them.

First, I am back in Portland! (Fun side note- I actually don't live in Portland, I just like to say I do because it is wayyyy easier than trying to explain where I actually live. It sounds a lot cooler, too) Anyway. So I'm home with my family again, which is pretty nice. I really missed them. We're a fun bunch- we really are. Man, oh, man, though... I am so happy to be reunited with my little man- EWI! (: That's my puppy. He's the constant fluff of joy in my life.

Quick recap...


I got home August 14th (I know, I know, I'm quite the slacker) and my mom's sister showed pretty much right after I did. We did some fun things. Quickly after that, I took the Greyhound up to Canada to visit Sam and Britt, who are two of my most favorite girls in the world. Sam and I are in a band- it's pretty sweet, we're called Unspoken Heroes, and I think you can look us up on Facebook. So we tried recording, but I'm afraid of the microphone so that didn't end up working out so well. BUT! We did take some sweet photos for future reference, and God introduced us to this nifty dude named Amos who dug our sound and offered us a show in Canada. Unfortunately, I don't live there, so it didn't work out, BUT I guess he has some hook ups in LA, so I'll have to keep you posted on that one. Sam and I played out in front of the Booster Juice Britt works at, and God handed us $20 for two hours of playing! It sounds like nothing, and in reality, it is, but considering there were only about 20 people who walked by us in that time period, we were pretty stoked.

So Canada was great, then I came home, and then it was my birthday! Woohoo! I'm old now! It was a super great day. The main event of the day was a worship sesh that evening at my house (sorry if you didn't get the memo.. I'll be having one again here pretty soon). It was really quite amazing, getting to spend the day of my birth remembering why I was born- to bring glory to God(: If you want to see what you missed, or remember what it was like, here's a link to some pieces of the evening: http://www.youtube.com/user/akhiljhaveri?feature=results_main
Oh my goodness. Seriously, best way to spend the day. Let's see. What else...

I've been hanging out with my dad and my baby sister (who is taller than me now.. can you believe that?!) for the past few days... My mom and my other sister escaped off to the Caribbean for a week. Lame. We've been having heaps more fun here, anyway. Who cares about sunshine and beaches and little fishes? Oh yeah! But my dad's super great. I love him a ton. It's been really good to actually spend time with him all by myself. We haven't gotten to do that in a long time. I maintain the truth that I am his favorite daughter.







Oh hey! Also, do you guys remember Luke? I probably talked about him somewhere along the line. He's the Australian from my school! The amazing musician, the dashing young gent in that video with me somewhere below this post... Well. He's my best friend, first of all. Second of all, he is my wonderful boyfriend, my partner in crime(: It's been very exciting so far, largely because two days after we decided that this wild idea to be, I quote Facebook here, "in a relationship" was not only totally preposterous, but also very good, I came back here to my home. We went from being together every day for half a year to not ever being together at all ever. Except for Skype... Praise the LORD for Skype! (I'm actually Skyping him right now... heh(: What a guy...) But, yep. So he's in Australia, I'm in the States... Tah-dahh!


Aright, now you're pretty well caught up on the events of my life.


So... What am I doing now? This is a valid and very excellent question, which I'm excited to answer.



Well. I'm going back to Los Angeles, to YWAM, to do that SLAM school I talked about before- the school of leadership and ministry development- so I'm STOKED! God made it pretty clear that that's where I am meant to be at this point. My mom and I made an agreement that she would be okay with me going if I have my funds before I leave on the 24th of this month. Well... God is providing! My dad won't tell me who, but apparently there are some people who saw those videos from the worship night and want to help me get back to YWAM! I also just started giving guitar lessons, which was totally from God, and it's really fun! So.. God is super awesome. I'm really really really stoked to be living my life for Him. I can't really imagine doing it any other way.

So that's pretty much all for now. Just an update post. Sorry it isn't more exciting... I'll definitely be posting more here in the very near future(:

Bye, folks!